Monday, October 03, 2011

oh... relax?

Hello fellow people!
Today felt like blogging atmosphere to me, hence... this post! Woohooo!

As you may or may not know, the past week or two has been emotionally hectic. I'm sure everyone has those times, so you'll probably be able to relate to that. It was madness. Now though, I'm doing a lot better. I feel like there's solid ground beneath my feet again and the reasons why are nothing like what I was searching for.
All the stress about visas, and money, and timing and school-work... let. it. all. go.
Simple. But crazy difficult. Maybe that's why it was a whole 2-weeks of stressing out.
I realized that me worrying is exactly the opposite of me being productive. That I had been praying to God that HE, would put it on the hearts of those who should be supporting me. That HE, would give me peace about which visa, if any, I should get. and that HE  would help me be motivated to do my school work, and make that entire process smooth.
The major word in all of that is "he". Its up to God guys, when you ask Him to come through on something, you should consider it done. I should consider it done. He is more than willing to show you that He is God of the Universe and Papa of your heart. That His desire for you is for the things of your heart, and for you to feel successful, to feel secure, protected, and purposeful. Not even just to feel these things, but to be these things. Because you are His daughter, or son and He is the perfect Daddy. Who happens to be King of the Universe, as well as utterly in love with you.
For me, believing what I just told you, took a bit of craziness. It took time, and it took me actively choosing to believe these things, sometimes consciously and sometimes it was frustration, just 'giving up' on making things work myself, and saying "fine God, you do it!". And he does.

So where am I at now? haha, good question.
I am at a place of comfort. I know I have the money in the bank that I need to go do YWAM. Its all mine, I've spent 2-years working full-time to earn it. I've saved nearly every penny, and I am committed to not being in debt, ever. Its one of the goals I've had since I was 12 years old (a lot of goals/promises were made around that age for me). Seeing that money be cut down by $10,000 dollars will be hard. Not even going to pretend to make it seem easy. But God, I believe, is telling me that I'm not going to be paying for this trip on my own. That He is putting it on the hearts of others to support what I am doing. And those people, that God is nudging forward, are frankly, the only people I would accept money from! I want no obligation to be the blessing to people that have supported me. That is between God and "you" .. whoever you are. He will bless you in return I am sure of it. And I am sure that He is blessing me through you. Its a great circle really. But only if God is in the middle of it. That is why I'm now at peace about finances. I've realized I don't want anyone's money if its not given through Him. And if that doesn't happen in the time frame I am expecting, I've got the money I need already, to do what God has called me to do.
Its really, rather freeing.

So I'm going to leave it at that.
Be blessed in your day and the next ones coming. And try to just relax! Its amazing how much more can be accomplished when we're not trying to grasp onto the reins every other second, and control the situation.
God's got it!

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