5. weeks. left. . .
As you may well imagine, this thought has been running around my head a lot this past week. Sunday, is when it really sank in. I have 3 weeks left of church (we take 2 weeks off to be with family over Christmas) and that same week, I have to say goodbye to one of my best friends. That pretty much sucks. I cannot wait for YWAM but having to say goodbye is becoming a very sad reality and its happening much faster that I would like.
Up until yesterday, I was willing just to sit on the couch and ball my eyes out until all tears were gone, and then just move on with my life and get all excited again (maybe some of you can relate to what I mean?). But yesterday I started to sort through the "why's" of my feelings. Here at home I have an amazing network that has and would still be there for me no matter what. They love me and I love them, and we can count on each other to be there "barefoot in an ice storm" as my mother would say. That is pretty much as loved and secure as you can feel. . . When I go to Hawaii, I can expect to learn and grow, make friends and be in community, and ultimately hyper-speed my relationship with God. Being loved the same way I am here though, that's a hard expectation to put on people. It took realizing that I was afraid that wouldn't happen, to realize I actually believe it will.
At the beginning of the week I was mad at God. I was frustrated with how much money I've raised, and that I was this sad about leaving. . . I don't generally do well with negative emotions. Eventually I hashed things out in my journal, and felt a bit better that at least I had been honest with where I am at (that is SO important!). I headed to a homegroup meeting last night, and I just sat in the driveway and asked God to clear-out the rest of the muck, and to give me a chance to give someone else a word.
Well, he did both!
The night focused on praying against discouragement, particularly for the women. Everyone of us was prayed for and it was amazing! I was able to help encourage the women of my church, and I was so blessed by what they spoke over my life. God has a nack for hearing what you ask of him, and bringing it about in the best way possible way. I'm not going to go into all the different words and pictures, but I will tell you the theme of them all: God is so wanting to partner with me in every way. With finances, learning and becoming his daughter.
I truly believe that is a universal theme, for me it was spoken through very specific words about my life, but its true for everyone.
God wants to play on your team, you just have to pick him for it.